How to Stop Worrying about What Other People Think of You

Similar piece featured in: Irish Times and Stellar Magazine

Many people come to us at Perspectives Ireland with worries and anxieties around what other people think of them. This is such a common pattern that we see in so many of our clients. So, we just wanted to offer you some tips and advice on how to try to deal with these anxieties and build a life that is not filtered through the perspectives of other people.

What happens when you filter through other people’s perspectives?

When you do this, you can become unduly influenced by what other people think and you inevitably become less about who YOU want to be. When this happens, your behaviour becomes more and more about what you think other people want you to be and do, and their choices, opinions, and judgements can sometimes totally dominate your own.

How to stop filtering through other people?

The only psychological place where you can shake off other people’s perspectives is when you’re totally grounded in YOUR perspective – that place where you just feel like you. When you’re in this place, you’re less likely to filter, you’re less likely to behave in accordance with other people’s opinions, and more likely to feel stronger in who you are, and strong enough to make your own choices.

So, it’s not about deflecting other people’s opinions and pretending you don’t care about them, because we can’t change how we feel when other people’s opinions are important. Instead, the best way to disengage from other people’s views is to be more solid in your own.

Being Grounded in your Own Perspective

Being grounded in your own perspective is the difference between who you are (grounded) and who you think other people think you are (not grounded). This involves being in the here and now with yourself and not being in the future or the past or in another person’s perspective about you (good or bad).

Of course, you can be aware of what other people think and be somewhat influenced by it, but this is not the same as filtering through it. We often use the analogy with our clients that this is the difference between “Inside-Outside vs. Outside-Inside” living. Inside-Outside is grounded in who you are, and choices are made from the inside-out BUT outside-inside is filtered through another perspective or the world around us, and our choices are made from the outside-in. This is a particularly problematic issue in the world of social media in which we live, so try not lose sight of what you want for you and practice staying grounded in this place.

We hope you can take something valuable that you can apply to your life from this blogpost.

Take care,

Ciara and Yvonne.